


Modern Elven Baths

by BreLakor



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Massage, Spa Treatments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3241013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreLakor/pseuds/BreLakor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Word being stupid and continually trying to auto-correct 'spat' to 'spa'.</p><p>Elgar'nan and Mythal own a spa retreat in modern times, Fen'Harel, Abelas, Merrill and eventually Lavellan work there. </p><p>Fen'Harel pisses Lavellan off because they had a one night stand and he didn't remember her name afterwards. Abelas has had a crush on Merrill for five years but never does anything about it. Elgar'nan has a pet chihuhua and continually wants to fire Fen'Harel for ignoring the employee dress code/being late/sleeping with customers/sleeping with Lavellan at work/trying to set up Merrill and Abelas at work/lounging in the spa when he's meant to be working/etc etc</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theblackdash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblackdash/gifts), [SlaveToTheMocha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlaveToTheMocha/gifts).



> Dedicated to slavetothemocha and theblackdash :)

What was her name?

 

He couldn’t remember. Sophie, maybe? Or Steph?

 

He’d feel bad if he didn’t get it right but so help him if her name was the last thing on his mind while she crawled up his body. Wherever she went she left a trail of kisses until her lips found the corner of his mouth for the briefest of moments before she pulled back. Straddling his waist and with his hands placed on her hips, she grinned down at him, her blonde hair tousled and messy around her shoulders from the previous night. The sheets of his bed were tangled and stank of sex.

 

With a delicate hand splayed over his tanned chest she held his gaze and he gave her his attention no matter how much he ached to let his eyes rake over the curve of her breasts. With her catching the morning sunlight like it was she was beautiful, it didn’t surprise him in the least that he’d flirted with her so hard last night.

 

If only he could have remembered her _name_.

 

“Good morning, Fen’Harel,” she purred and her voice was like music flooding his ears. Really it should have been illegal for her to be so damn enchanting.

 

Lips tugging into a smirk, he offered a response with, “Sleep well?”

 

“I did,” she replied and as she did so he let one of his hands move up her body.

 

Covering her pale skin was an array of fine swirling tattoos that curved over her stomach, arms and hips. They paused just shy of her neck, the last tendrils splayed over her collarbone. “I’ll confess, I didn’t expect to find these under your clothes when I saw you in the club last night.”

 

“And _I_ didn’t expect to find this,” she countered as her fingers toyed with the piercing in his nipple.

 

“Did you think they would stop at my ears?” he teased and her eyes flicked to the decorations that curved along the shell and lobes of both his ears.

 

“I guess not.”

 

She was leaning towards him and finding his mouth in moments. With the finesse of someone who had had far too much practice he slipped his tongue between her lips effortlessly. Curling it around hers he tasted and offered her affection while his hands ran down her back until they found the curve of her behind and squeezed her flesh. But as soon as their affections started did the alarm on his phone blare at him from the bedside table and he fumbled for it.

 

She sighed and fell back on the bed, her golden hair splaying out around her. With a regretful sigh, he slipped his legs over the side of the bed and told her, “I have work.”

 

“We should do this again some time,” she offered with a grin while he stood and paused at the door adjoining to his bathroom.

 

“Sure.” He paused for a moment to rake his eyes over her fine features and damn him if he still couldn’t remember what to call her. “Why don’t you put your number and name in my phone while I wash?”

 

A moment of silence as she took in his words and then her expression twisted to anger. “You don’t even know my name,” she accused.

 

“I do,” he replied quickly but he really didn’t. Helplessly, he tried with, “Sophie?”

 

The pull of her lips into a sneer told him he’d gotten it wrong. “I didn’t expect you to ask for my hand in marriage when you picked me up in the club last night, but fuck if you couldn’t at least remember my _name_.”

 

 “You’re not exactly the first woman to wake up in my bed this week,” he protested and he realised how atrocious his choice of words were the moment they’d left his lips.

 

Somehow, her features turned even more incredulous. “It’s _Tuesday_ ,” she hissed as she slipped from his bed, grabbed at her clothes and added, pointedly, “Asshole.”

 

“So I guess that’s a no for doing this again?” he asked with a shrug.

 

If her features were able to contort into even more fury they would have. “Not in your wildest dreams.” With an angry sigh she stormed out of his bedroom, clutching her clothes to her chest and grumbling, “As if it wasn’t bad enough you just made me late for my job interview.”

 

All things considered he wasn’t terribly broken up over how it had ended. In truth, it was hardly the first time he’d sent a woman stomping out of his apartment. But she had been pretty, and with those curious tattoos on her body...

 

Fen’Harel sighed and shook his head as he slipped into his bathroom and got ready for work.

 

\---

 

Fen’Harel was late for work, although this was hardly a new occurrence for him.

 

With his dreadlocks tied messily together he strolled into the spa retreat where he was employed. The piercings in his ears and his hair the way it was made him look out of place and foreign amongst the other staff and customers who presented themselves immaculately.

 

As he stepped through the entrance one of the customers, a middle age woman in expensive clothing, turned her nose up at his choice of dress. He grinned at her lewdly and she scoffed at him. Truly he was an arrogant creature, but he made towards the room he offered massages from and began setting himself up for work.

 

Alone in the small room he shrugged into the pair of shorts supplied for him to work in and let his wolf jaw necklace dangle over his bare chest. With his hair hung over his shoulder he greeted his first customer which was, ironically, the woman who’d sneered at him moments earlier. For a moment she stared at him, shocked at his appearance and her eyes glued to the piercings on his chest, but when he arched an eyebrow at her and gestured towards the bed, she broke from her trance.

 

He made small talk while he spread oil over her skin and massaged at her body but he didn’t really care about her life or her boring husband. He entertained her whinging because he was required to, and not because it vaguely interested him at all.

 

It was when he was leant over her and started easing the tension from her neck that she moaned, softly, “My husband never wants to have sex these days.”

 

Fen’Harel paused for a moment but then replied politely with, “That’s a shame.”

 

It barely took him by surprise when she turned on the bed and stared up at him, her naked body bared for him and her eyes flashing with lust. In truth it was hardly the first time this had happened and he was conceited enough that he indulged her.

 

With her hands feeling over his chest and her mouth pressing lewd kisses to his lips the situation spiralled rapidly out of control. Her fingers had just slipped under the waist band of his shorts when the door to his room smashed open and Fen’Harel sighed, annoyed, as they were interrupted by his particularly infuriated boss.

 

“Really, you don’t even try and turn off the CCTV anymore?” Elgar’nan hissed and the woman shrieked and moved to cover herself with the nearby rolled up towels.

 

“I like an audience,” Fen’Harel drawled with a smirk but he knew the moment he’d said it he shouldn’t have.

 

Elgar’nan features twisted into such a pure unbridled fury that it was almost comical, and he stepped closer, grabbed the younger man by his ear and dragged him out of the room while Fen’Harel spat curses and stumbled behind him.

 

Through the corridors he was taken until they reached the door to his boss’s office and Elgar’nan hissed, angrily, “Get in.”

 

“Be careful with my piercings,” Fen’Harel protested because his ears were sore from his rough manhandling.

 

“You shouldn’t even have them to begin with!” Elgar’nan spat as he closed the door to the room behind him. “You know it’s against our dress code policy, the same with that disgusting hair of yours.”

 

“We can’t all have beautiful flowing locks like you,” Fen’Harel drawled with a pointed look at the other man’s elegant braid.

 

“Don’t make me fire you,” his boss challenged but in response the younger man splayed his hands in the air and grinned confidently.

 

“You can’t. What is it your wife says?” Fen’Harel teased. “ _You need me_.”

 

If he could have taken a picture then of the outraged look on Elgar’nan’s features he would have. Truly it was priceless every time the other man realised they had to keep him around because there wasn’t anyone else in the city half as talented as him. But still Elgar’nan tried so damn hard to fire him sometimes.

 

If it wasn’t for Mythal staying his hand more than once a week... not that it really bothered Fen’Harel either way. The rival spa retreat across the street had tried to poach him with ever increasing ferocity in recent years. The only reason he didn’t give in to them was because they creeped him out and they kept referring to themselves as the _forgotten ones_ or something else equally ridiculous.

 

“Just stop fornicating with the customers,” Elgar’nan continued and when Fen’Harel raised an expectant eyebrow he added, through gritted teeth, “Please.”

 

“Very well.”

 

“Now get out, I have an interview for a new position with some girl who couldn’t even manage to arrive on time,” Elgar’nan growled.

 

Fen’Harel shrugged and moved to the door, slipping it open as he added, snidely, “You were the one who brought me here in the first place.” 

 

“Because you had your tongue shoved down the throat of one of our patrons!” his boss snapped so loudly that the younger man snickered a little because the customers outside stared, shocked, at his outburst. Elgar’nan seethed and added, hotly, “Just bring the girl in; she should be waiting around the corner.”

 

“Of course,” he taunted and he moved to find the poor woman who had the pleasure of being interviewed by Elgar’nan while he was so spectacularly pissed off. Fen’Harel found her facing away from him dressed in white shirt and tight black pencil shirt, her blonde hair put up into a high bun.

 

“Hey, you here for the job interview?  Go into the room around the corner,” he drawled and it took the smallest shift of her body to make him realise who she was. His features were twisting into a smirk before he could stop himself and he added snidely, to the woman who he’d been all over him last night, “You looked better naked.”

 

Whatever her name was (and still he couldn’t for the life of him remember), she sneered at him, her eyes widening in disbelief as she realised who he was. Then, with the raise of her hand that he’d sucked at every of her fingers the previous evening, she slapped him across the cheek and hissed, “ _Ass_.”

 

When she stalked away he raised a hand to his face and cradled his stinging skin. One of the nearby customers gaped at what had happened but Fen’Harel merely shrugged and murmured, “Don’t worry; this kind of thing is perfectly normal in my life.”

 

Work was about to get far more interesting if that blonde woman was going to be his new colleague.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More silly dedicated to the same people as before because they are gloriously amazing terrible influences hehe

“My god,” Fen’Harel drawled as he lounged in one of the spas when he should have been working. He leant against the edge with his arms following the curve of the stone and his head tilted back so his hair wouldn’t get wet. “Why don’t you just fuck her already?”

 

The man beside him, Abelas, who was stuffing used towels into his trolley to take them to the laundry, shook his head in disbelief and paused his actions to scowl at the other man. “Because I’m not like _you_.”

 

“Of course not, I wouldn’t have sat around watching her for five damn years,” Fen’Harel drawled and spared at the glance at the dark haired woman cleaning in another corner of the large room. Abelas, the poor fool, had been pining after her for years. It was verging on painful to watch.

 

“No, you would have seduced her the moment you met her and then left her heartbroken just like every other woman you’ve tricked into your bed.”

 

“There’s no need to be so dramatic.” Fen’Harel grinned at the other man as he shook his head disapprovingly at him. “Merrill’s never going to figure out you want to get into her pants while you act as if you’d rather swallow a swarm of bees than talk to her.”

 

 For a long moment Abelas stared at him then, with a shake of his head he gestured towards the pile of clothes Fen’Harel had dumped on the floor. “You better pick these up.”

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

With a pleased sigh he stretched his legs out until he was resting the balls of his toes on the opposite end of the spa, the water lapping at his entirely naked body and drawing a disgruntled noise from the other man.

 

“Do you have no shame?”

 

“Not really,” Fen’Harel replied honestly and he was spared Abelas’ criticism when they were interrupted by their much kinder and pleasant boss, Mythal, who approached with the blonde woman he’d slept with earlier that week and still couldn’t pinpoint her damn name.

 

The blonde woman scowled at him but it faltered when her eyes trailed over his nude body so poorly concealed in the water of the spa and her lips parted as a flush stole over her features.

 

“See something you like?” he teased and her features twisted into haughty anger in a split second at his words. “Of course, you’ve seen it all before, haven’t you?”

 

“To my great regret,” she hissed and he smirked at her reaction.

 

“I take it the two of you are acquainted,” Mythal interrupted with a soft unimpressed sigh.

 

“We are intimately acquainted with one another,” Fen’Harel replied. Then, with a crude grin he added pointedly, “But also _intimately_ acquainted.”

 

 A look of pure disgust tore over the blonde woman’s features and she hissed, “You are unbelievable.”

 

Abelas chuckled softly as he pulled his white blond hair back into a tighter ponytail. “I can tell you and I are going to get along already.”

 

“Enough, please,” Mythal interjected exasperatedly. With a gesture towards the two men she said, “Lavellan, this is Abelas and... well, you seem to know Fen’Harel already.”

 

“Lavellan!” he exclaimed and slipped his legs back into the water as he sat a little straighter in the spa. “That was your name.”

 

With arms crossed over her chest, the blonde woman muttered, “Yes, _that_ is my name.”

 

“I was close.”

 

“Sophie isn’t anywhere near close, you asshat!” she shouted with her hands balling into fists.

 

“Really, first day on the job and you’re already abusing your colleagues,” Fen’Harel replied with a forced dramatic sigh as he pulled himself out of the water and onto the ledge of the spa. Her eyes danced at his pelvis for a moment too long and he smirked as she wrenched her gaze back up to his face. “Sure you still don’t want to repeat our actions last night again? You were the one to suggest it the morning after.”

 

His words snapped something inside her because she snarled and stalked past Mythal. Fen’Harel frowned as Lavellan stepped behind him and gave him a hard shove in the back. He fell into the water of the spa with a splash and when he surfaced, furious at how soaked his hair had gotten, he glowered daggers at her.

 

“Do you have any _idea_ how long it takes to dry dreadlocks like these?” he hissed and gestured at his hair that stretched so close to his waist.

 

“No, but I’m hoping it’s a long time,” she retorted and he stared at her, disbelievingly, until her features twisted into embarrassment and she glanced awkwardly at Mythal. “I didn’t mean-” she started, but the older woman shook her head with a chuckle.

 

“Oh no, my dear, he most certainly deserved that.” With a pointed look at Fen’Harel, Mythal added, “I think you’ll fit in just fine around here, Lavellan.”

 

\---

 

The day was more or less uneventful after Mythal introduced Lavellan to him and Abelas. Fen’Harel continued with his duties until closing time and then, as he made his way to the exit, he saw her again.

 

She was wearing the same black pencil skirt that was far too tight for people to not expect him to leer at her behind when she bent over to pick up the paper she’d dropped. In addition to that, she was carrying far too many things at once because the moment she reached for the sheet on the floor, the rest of the papers in her arms spilled onto the floor. With a little frustrated curse, Lavellan crouched down and started gathering them up once more, and he obliged sauntering over and helping.

 

When he knelt down next to her and started picking at the scattered papers she glanced up at him, a few flyaway strands of her hair framing her features as she narrowed her eyes at him.

 

“What?” he protested when she roughly grabbed the papers from his hand with a huff. “I’m _helping_ you.”

 

“I don’t want _your_ help.” As she pushed herself to her feet, he mimicked her. Standing there in her heels he wouldn’t have had to bend down to kiss her like he had done when he’d met her at the club earlier that week. His features twisted into a perplexed frown because he wasn’t entirely certain why _that_ was the first thought to cross his mind.  

 

“If this is about me not remembering your name-” he started but she interrupted him with a dry laugh as she stuffed the papers she was holding into her bag.

 

“That isn’t even half of it.” With eyes narrowed into slits she continued, accusingly, with, “I know exactly what kind of person you are.”

 

What followed was a tirade of her accusing him of being crass and that he was incapable of looking sideways at an attractive woman without attempting to get into bed with her. He listened for the most part with a frown on his features, and when she stopped her rant, he replied, dryly, with, “I see you have been spending time with Abelas.”

 

With a little scoff she turned away and walked towards the entrance of the building and he followed after her, protesting her assessment of him because while he did have a rather worrying tendency to find himself in bed with women he’d never met, he loathed the idea that he was disrespectful or rude like Elgar’nan so frequently was. To prove his point he held the door open for her. Lavellan hesitated for a moment, glanced at him with a frown, and then scowled and purposefully used the other door instead.

 

“Now you’re just being vindictive,” he shouted after her as he slipped out of the building after her and broke into a run to catch up.

 

“You didn’t even remember my name,” she replied and he moved in front, stepping backwards for every step she herself took forward.

 

With a grin painting his features he followed her to the bus stop as he said, “I remember it _now_.” A pause as she raised an eyebrow at him and he offered, on purpose, “Sophie right?”

 

When she scowled and turned away he added, quickly, “It was a joke, I know its Lavellan.”

 

Her bus pulled up and she moved to the door but hesitated a moment to glance back at him. He offered her a smile but she only rolled her eyes and muttered, “Why is it always the cute ones that are asses?” and stepped onto the bus.

 

“You think I’m cute?” he teased.

 

The last thing he heard before the doors snapped closed was her saying, “You _know_ you’re cute.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even more silly haha

In the weeks that came Lavellan continued to shut Fen’Harel down every time he tried to make friendly conversation with her. She’d roll her eyes, shake her head, and sometimes flat out ignore him. In part she did it because she did take Abelas’ warnings seriously, but by far it was mostly because it was hilarious to see how frustrated he got when she brushed him off. After a while it became like a game, and she was determined to win.

 

Fen’Harel approached her deliberately in his breaks, leant against the reception desk where she worked and pestered her. More than often his words were laced with flirting and that day as he braced his arm against the desk with his chest bared for her, he caught the sight of the curve of her tattoos from where the top button of her blouse had fallen open.

 

“What’s with the tattoos?” he asked and she didn’t even look up from her typing to acknowledge his presence as she replied.

 

“I like them.”

 

“There must be more to it than that.”

 

“There really isn’t.” Lavellan’s lips pulled into a smirk and she reached up and did up the top button of her blouse to cover the markings.

 

“That’s disappointing.”

 

She looked up and held his gaze for a long moment and just as his eyes started to narrow and his head tilted she put him down, flatly, with, “Good.”

 

He scowled at her and she fought so hard not to grin in return because he looked far too ridiculous when he had that petulant look on his features. Returning her attention back to her computer she pretended that he didn’t exist until he moved so that he was leaning over the monitor and forcing himself into her vision.

 

“Let me take you out for dinner,” he purred and she paused the email she was typing. “I promise I’ll even get your name right in the morning.”

 

“I have a boyfriend,” she replied sweetly and the disheartened look on his features was priceless as he pulled away.

 

Then, with a frown, he said carefully, “No you don’t.”

 

“I do.”

 

“What’s his name, then?”

 

She hesitated for a split second because she hadn’t thought this far ahead in her lie. Latching onto the first name that sprang to mind, she offered, “Dorian.”

 

“Really?” Fen’Harel stared at her for a long moment, the suspicion evident on her features.

 

“Really. He’s quite handsome and he has a lovely moustache.” A moment’s pause as she trailed her eyes over his chest, and damn him if his lean muscles didn’t make her fidget in her seat and cross her legs. “And he knows how to wear a shirt, unlike you.”

 

“It’s part of the dress code,” he protested.

 

“Of course it is.” With a roll of her eyes she reached for the mug beside her computer and brought it to her lips. When she caught the way Fen’Harel’s nose wrinkled she hesitated for a moment and stared at him over the edge of the mug. “Something wrong?”

 

“Is that... tea?” He almost looked revolted. She loved that look on his usually so smug face.

 

“It is, do you not like tea?”

 

“I detest it.”

 

An impish grin tore across her features and she swallowed a large mouthful of the lukewarm drink, sat the mug down and then pushed herself out of her chair. Standing before him, she leant forward across the desk, grabbing his wolf jaw necklace firmly in her hand while he watched her carefully. Then, she smashed a kiss to his lips, forced his mouth open and plunged her tongue into him so that he didn’t have a choice but taste the tea she’d just drank.

 

He recoiled almost violently and pushed her away, drawing laughter from her throat as he spat and balked at the flavour in his mouth, hissing grumpily to himself about how disgusting it tasted. 

 

“I _thought_ you had a boyfriend,” he choked after a few moments.

 

“I- shut up,” she stuttered as he grabbed her bottle of water from the desk and took a mouthful of it, swirling it around to presumably wash the taste of tea out. “Hey! That’s my bottle; I don’t want your saliva all over it.”

 

“She says after she just shoved her tongue down my throat,” he added sarcastically after he swallowed the water. “Ugh, that was beyond revolting,” he moaned.

 

“Don’t be such a drama queen,” she chided with a laugh and he scowled at her for a moment before his gaze trailed to Abelas conversing out of earshot with Merrill.

 

Fen’Harel’s features twisted into an exasperated frown as he stared at the two of them and he muttered, annoyed, “ _Five years_. I swear to god if he doesn’t bend her over a desk soon...”

 

“He’s been pining after her for that long?” Lavellan mused as she leant forward to get a better look. When Fen’Harel nodded and sighed she added with a shrug, “Why don’t you try and set them up?”

 

“I- don’t know.”

 

Slowly, his lips curled into a mischievous grin and she could only imagine the thoughts filling his mind in that moment.

 

\---

 

“I told you not to go off with him that night in the club,” Dorian chided as they strolled down the path in the park near her home. It was a bright Saturday morning and the sun was warm against her skin and hair as they walked.

 

“No you didn’t,” Lavellan replied. She’d been confiding in her friend for a few minutes now about Fen’Harel and Dorian’s blatant lie made her scowl. “If I recall correctly you _encouraged_ me.”

 

“I have no memory of this,” her friend protested and when she glowered at him he conceded with a small grin, “Don’t you claim the higher ground, you were ogling him just as much as I was.”

 

Lavellan sighed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as the wind tousled and tangled her blonde tresses. “Damn if I didn’t wish he’d been gay and then you’d be stuck in this situation instead of me.”

 

“Who says something like that?” Dorian chided with a laugh. “You’re a terrible friend.”

 

Lavellan scoffed and moved to reply when her gaze caught on a particularly familiar man jogging towards them, his tanned chest glistening in a sheen of sweat that made a strangled noise die in her throat as she tore her eyes away. As if it wasn’t enough that she had to put up with Fen’Harel  stalking around her workplace without a shirt on every day of the week – and so help her that in itself did things to her that she didn’t want to admit. But to see him covered with sweat and his muscles flexing from his exertion...

 

“Damn him,” Lavellan hissed as the man who’d been filling her thoughts more often than she’d liked approached. He had a dog at his side as well although it was particularly irrelevant to her in that moment. She hadn’t even noticed the dog when she was at his apartment all those weeks ago.

 

“What a glorious coincidence,” Dorian chuckled and just as Fen’Harel was close enough that he slowed into a walk as he noticed her, Lavellan turned to her friend, desperate.

 

“Quick, pretend you’re my boyfriend,” she urged as she grabbed Dorian by the collar of his shirt. “Kiss me.”

 

“What?” her friend blurted but she swallowed his protests with a rough kiss to his lips.

 

Dorian startled and grabbed at her arms, shoving her away in an entirely unromantic fashion and gasping, horrified, “What are you _doing_?”

 

“What an impressive moustache you have,” Fen’Harel drawled and crossed his arms over his chest as his dog sniffed around the area. With a pointed glance at Lavellan, he added, “You wouldn’t happen to be her boyfriend Dorian, would you?”

 

“Her what?” Dorian scowled judgingly at Lavellan and she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly as a blush stole over her features. “Oh for fucks sake- Yes, my name is Dorian and no this woman is not my girlfriend. I am quite exquisitely gay.”

 

Fen’Harel arched single curved eyebrow at her and she flushed such a furious red that she scowled, angrily, at Dorian for not playing along with her facade. A long moment of silence stretched between the three of them, and in it Dorian’s features twisted into disgust as he ran his tongue over the insides of his mouth.

 

“Ugh,” he moaned after a few moments. “I can still taste woman.”

 

“I don’t taste that bad,” Lavellan huffed as Dorian’s features twisted into disgust as if he’d swallowed something unpleasant.

 

“She tastes beautiful when she hasn’t been scoffing down tea, like honey and cinnamon-”

 

“Stop defending me,” she snapped and interrupted Fen’Harel because each word slipping so smoothly from his lips made her think about kissing him again, and she’d rather that didn’t cross her mind while he stood before her so flushed and sweaty.

 

With a scrunch of his nose and flick of his tongue between his lips Dorian continued to balk over her kiss. Lavellan rolled her eyes at his excessive reaction and when another male jogger approached who was particularly well built, so much so that it made Fen’Harel look tiny in comparison, Dorian called out to him.

 

“Hey!” The newcomer stilled for a moment with a quizzical eyebrow arched in the air. Curiously, he had an eyepatch. “Are you single and if so would you be partial to kissing me?”

 

The strangers voice rumbled deep in his throat as he spoke. “Uh, yes and yes?”

 

“Good. Please excuse my forwardness.” With one fluid movement Dorian stepped towards him and pressed a kiss to the other man’s lips.

 

“Interesting boyfriend you have there,” Fen’Harel teased as they stepped away from the surprisingly passionate pair.

 

“Shut up,” Lavellan mumbled and his dog approached her, pressing its muzzle into her hand and she glanced down at the beast with a small smile on her features.

 

Crouching down beside the dog she stroked its fur which was a thick mixture of shades of grey. It was a wolfish beast with a long, angular face and thick tail. “What’s his name?”

 

“Pride.” A pause for a moment and she laughed when the dog started trying to lick her face. Pushing herself to her feet once more, Fen’Harel observed her carefully and added, “So, now that I know you are quite firmly single, how about dinner?”

 

Lavellan forced her lips not to pull into a smirk and, instead, she gave him a disinterested look that she knew would annoy him as she said, “No.”

 

“That usually works when I have my dog with me,” he sighed.

 

“Then maybe you should try harder.”

 

With a narrow of his eyes he observed her, carefully, for a long minute and she held his gaze steadily until they were interrupted by Elgar’nan of all people. Who appeared to be walking a chihuahua, Lavellan noted with a stifled laugh. To see him sashaying down the footpath with such a dog at his side was beyond ridiculous.

 

“Good morning,” he said, inclining his head politely at Lavellan and she returned the gesture.

 

Fen’Harel, however, was backing away from the dog with his arms stretched out defensively before him. “No,” he started, “No, no no no-”

 

“There’s no reason to be afraid,” Elgar’nan drawled with a dismissing wave of his hand.

 

“Yes there is,” Fen’Harel protested as the tiny dog bounded towards him and, to Lavellan’s amusement, started humping his leg. He let out an exasperated sigh and tried to kick the dog away.

 

“Be careful of Andruil,” Elgar’nan scolded and bent down to pick up the small dog. He placed his chihuahua in what did in fact appear to be a ladies handbag, and then waltzed off, leaving Lavellan gaping at her boss and Fen’Harel seething at the tiny dog. 


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand even more silly

Lavellan’s challenge that he tried harder was well placed because it truly only made him even more determined to convince her to have dinner with him.

 

Fen’Harel tried to tell himself it wasn’t because he was actually smitten with her, and rather because he refused to lose their game, but in the weeks that came he stared at her far too damn long for it not to be because he was more than a little interested.

 

He started by opening the door for her every time they left work in the evening. Each time he did she rolled her eyes at him and purposefully used the other door, leaving him scowling at her while she walked to the bus stop and, on more than one occasion, Mythal chuckling.

 

After that he tried with flowers, organising that they be sent to her at work and he watched, sneakily, from around a corner when she received them. Lavellan stared for a very long moment when the bouquet was delivered, surprised, and then her features twisted into the smallest of smug smiles when she read who they were from. But she simply pushed the flowers to the side of her desk and ignored them. Disheartened, Fen’Harel slipped away and sulked for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Once he realised the flowers hadn’t worked, he started leaving her notes. The day after the flowers were delivered, and he noted with some hopefulness that they were still sitting on her desk however ignored, she got into an argument with Elgar’nan. Lavellan was so frustrated and shaken by it that when she left her desk he snuck over and wrote her a message. Leaving it on her keyboard, he watched as she returned and read it with a small smile on her features.

 

What he had written was:

 

_Cheer up._

_P.S. Elgar’nan is a twat._

It put her into such a bright mood that the next day he left her another note before she arrived in the morning, along with a box of expensive tea he’d bought for her. On her desk, he left the tea with a note that said:

 

_This is still disgusting, but I hope you like it. And please don’t kiss me until you’ve washed your mouth out with soap at least twice._

_P.S. But I would appreciate it if you kissed me._

That afternoon he saw that she was feeling ill, and he heard her complain to one of her co-workers that she felt as if she’d eaten something rotten the night before, so when she returned from her lunch break he left her another note that said:

 

_I heard you got food poisoning. I’m sorry to hear that. That wouldn’t have happened if you had dinner with me._

_P.S. Please have dinner with me._

It drew laughter from her lips even as she scrunched the paper up and threw it into the bin. Later that day, as he returned from lounging in the spa bath while he should have been working, he caught her with one of the flowers pushed behind her ear and he grinned because he knew he was slowly winning.

 

\---

 

The moment he stepped into his massage room that morning he noticed it. Stuck on top of a pile of towers was a single note and Fen’Harel’s brow pulled into a curious frown as he approached and read it.

 

_Your love letters put romantics across the ages to shame._

_P.S. I have some ideas for setting up Abelas and Merrill. Meet me for lunch at the cafe across the street._

_P.P.S. This is not a date._

Lunch did not come fast enough for him and the day dragged on as he waited, impatiently, for his break. When the clock hit twelve, he yanked on a shirt and walked across the road. He found Lavellan already sitting at a table outside in the sun, a leg crossed over her other knee and reclining in her chair while she held a mug in her hands. He didn’t even need to ask what she was drinking; he could smell it from the other side of the table as he sat down.

 

“Have you ordered already?” he asked as he glanced, quickly, at the menu and waved one of the waiters over. He’d been there far too many times before that he knew exactly what he wanted.

 

With a sweet smile she took a sip of her tea and then replied, “Of course.”

 

“You didn’t even wait?”

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

A scoff pulled at his features but he placed his order and then leant forward with his hands linked on the table. “What ideas did you have?”

 

Uncrossing her legs she placed her mug down on the table and knelt her elbow on the table, her fingers tangling in her loose hair as she spoke. “You convince Abelas to go somewhere with you on Saturday, I’ll convince Merrill to do the same with me. I was thinking the zoo because Merrill loves cute fluffy animals.”

 

“And then we force them to go on a date together and watch from a distance?” he finished.

 

“Well, yes, but maybe without the watching part because that could come across as creepy,” she replied but he heard the hint of laughter in her voice.

 

With a huff he murmured, “Spoilsport,” and watched as her food arrived.

 

The waitress placed a plate before her topped with fish and potato chips and he watched, frustrated and his stomach grumbling, as she ate.

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t wait,” he sighed as she paused her meal for a moment, rolled her eyes at him and then reached down for something in her bag that rested against the floor.

 

He took her distraction as an opportunity to lean forward and steal one of her chips, but she caught him in the act and glared at him.

 

“Put that back,” she demanded as he held it between his fingers.

 

A mischievous grin splashed across his features and he held her gaze, steadily, bringing the chip closer towards his lips. Her hand lashed out and wrapped around his wrist, yanking his arm forward and stopping his attempted thievery as she plunked the chip from his fingers and placed it between her teeth.

 

A scowl stole over his features and he leant forward, caught her chin in his hand and she hesitated with wide eyes as he ducked his head towards her. In one swift movement he pulled the chip from her mouth with his teeth, their lips touching in a mocker y of a kiss. Before she had the chance to retaliate he ate the so hotly contested morsel of food, almost fast enough that he choked, and she glowered at him with a blush creeping up her ears.

 

Pointedly, she grabbed her food and leant as far back in her chair as possible as she ate with her plate held in her hand. Fortunately for him he did not have to wait much longer for his own meal to arrive. Unfortunately, however, the moment his plate was set down on the table Lavellan’s fingers snuck forward and plucked an olive from his plate.

 

“Hey!” he protested and she popped it between her lips, taunting him for a moment before eating it. Her features contorted ever so slightly in disgust as she did so and he pointed out, “Didn’t you deliberately leave the olives in your martini aside that one time at the club? I thought you said you _hated_ olives.”

 

“As if you paid attention to that while you were so busy staring at my ass that night.” When he raised a single eyebrow at her she added, grumpily, “Shut up I’m trying to spite you.”

 

“Of course, Lavellan,” he teased with a roll of his eyes.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... more silly, lol
> 
> (Just one more chapter and then this story is wrapped up :))

Setting up Merrill and Abelas ended up being surprisingly easier than Lavellan first thought it would be, or at least for her it was.

 

Merrill was such a sweet soul that it took little effort to convince her to go to the zoo with her on Saturday. Judging by Fen’Harel’s grumpy expression at various intervals that week she suspected he was having less luck, most likely given the fact that Abelas didn’t particularly seem very trustworthy of the other man.

 

Eventually he must have succeeded however because when she took Merrill to the zoo that Saturday morning, Fen’Harel turned up on time with Abelas in tow. Abelas’ features fell immediately to suspicion as Lavellan approached with Merrill, and with a horrendously faked gasp of surprise, Fen’Harel murmured, “Oh, Lavellan and _Merrill_ , what a coincidence.”

 

“Fen’Harel...” Abelas hissed as the other man waved him towards the woman he’d pining after for so many years.

 

“Perhaps you and Merrill should see the zoo _together_ ,” Fen’Harel continued but then he started to fumble over his words as he added, “As, ah, Lavellan and I need to leave because...”

 

When he failed to come up with any logical reason, Lavellan quickly stepped towards him, linked an arm through his and finished effortlessly with, “Because we are on a date.”

 

Fen’Harel glanced at her with an idiotic frown that was far too endearing to her than it should have been. “We are?”

 

“Yes, we are,” she added with a pointed narrowing of her eyes towards him.

 

“Oh. Yes, we are on a date.” Fen’Harel slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side and she fought the urge to roll her eyes as his hand trailed down to rest against her behind. “You wouldn’t want to intrude, would you, Abelas?”

 

The other man glowered at them for an excessively long moment before muttering through clenched teeth, “ _No_.”

 

“Excellent!” Fen’Harel grinned and Lavellan fought the urge to glower at him when he squeezed her rear because she hadn’t come this far to ruin the facade in that moment. “You better show Merrill around the zoo then. Wouldn’t want her to get eaten by a lion or anything.”

 

At the mention of lions Merrill’s eyes lit up. She glanced at Abelas with an innocent smile, stepped closer and grabbed his hand. As she dragged him away Abelas glanced over his shoulder and glared daggers at Fen’Harel as he mouthed something that looked suspiciously like _I am going to murder you later._

 

Fen’Harel, however, merely grinned at him and waved a farewell. For several minutes Lavellan waited with her ‘date’ until the other pair were a fair distance away. Once they were out of earshot she muttered, “You can stop touching my ass now.”

 

“Shhh we’re on a date,” Fen’Harel protested and with a sigh Lavellan rolled her eyes at him.

 

\---

 

They followed Abelas and Merrill at a distance around the zoo for the better part of the day, and Fen’Harel insisted on holding Lavellan’s hand for the entirety of it on the premise that they needed to maintain their facade. She obliged, if only because he pouted and looked ridiculous whenever she pointed out that she hardly thought that Abelas believed for even one moment the lie they’d conjured up.

 

Regardless, they eventually ended up beside one of the enclosures where the camels were kept. Fen’Harel waited with his back facing the animals and arms crossed over his chest while Lavellan bought an icecream nearby, but his spying on Abelas and Merrill was interrupted by the rather unpleasant feeling of a hot damp breath tickling the back of his neck. Surprised, he glanced up in time to find a particularly curious camel looking at him. He stared back at the animal for a long moment. Then, the camel leant forward and started chewing on his dreadlocks.

 

With a little yelp of surprise he shooed the beast away and groaned with disgust at the spit that now coated his hair.

 

“Are you making friends with the animals?” Lavellan teased and he glanced up at her with a small scowl staining his features.

 

Trying to wring the saliva from his locks, he mumbled, “Hardly.”

 

With a shrug, she replied, “They seem to like you.”

 

Fen’Harel sighed and gave up, wiping his hands on his jeans and glancing up at her. She was licking at an icecream and had a smudge of it on the tip of her nose. When she caught him staring she frowned and asked, “What?”

 

“Come here,” he started and her confusion deepened and morphed into surprise when he grabbed her chin in his hand and wiped the icecream from her nose.

 

“Hey,” she protested weakly and her features wrinkled under his affection even as a small blush tore over her cheeks. They both paused, however, when a soft little squeal was heard nearby and they glanced over in unison to find Merrill and Abelas standing nearby.

 

Merrill giggled something about how cute they where while Abelas more or less just stared at them with his usual grumpy expression.

 

\---

 

“Look at them,” Lavellan mused with a wistful smile on her features. To see Abelas and Merrill standing so close to one another, with blushes splashed over both their features and smiles on their lips warmed her heart.

 

“Oh, I am,” Fen’Harel replied. She glanced at him and frowned as she saw him holding his hands in the air as if each of his palms were cupping the backs of their heads. Slowly, he edged his hands closer together as if he were pushing the pair towards one another, and murmured, “Now... _kiss_.”

 

Predictably they didn’t do as he commanded and he sighed, dropped his hands and scowled at them. A moment later, however, Abelas fell to his knee before Merrill and Fen’Harel’s eyes widened.

 

“What, he’s going for marriage already?” he blurted and Lavellan supposed it did look rather as if Abelas was proposing to his date, but no ring was produced and instead he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Merrill’s knuckles before standing once more.

 

The pair parted ways soon after and Fen’Harel shrugged, muttering more or less to himself, “Better than nothing I suppose.” He paused for a moment and Lavellan stared at him, her brow furrowed gently in contemplation. “I mean after five years it’s about time. It was starting to do my head in watching those two dance around each other.”

 

When he added casually, “They do make a nice couple, though,” something snapped within Lavellan.

 

She saw him in that moment as someone who genuinely had cared about the happiness of two of his friends in a relationship and it changed her view of him. Stoking at the fire she’d been trying to quell every time she saw him, his compassion broke her resolve and she stepped towards him. Before he even noticed her she reached up, grabbed his face with both her hands and smashed a kiss against his lips.

 

He startled at her sudden affections, his hands curling around her shoulders to steady himself and when she pulled back he stared at her, idiotically and surprised for a long moment. Then, his features pulled into a smirk and he murmured, “I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from you.”

 

With a roll of her eyes she pulled him into another kiss, her arms curling around his neck and her tongue prying at his lips. She pressed her body against his, tilted her head and tasted him as his mouth opened to her insistence. When his arms wrapped around her waist and lifted her from the ground it pulled a surprised gasp from her throat and she could feel him grinning against her lips.

 

Eventually they parted and as her feet touched the ground once more she stared up at him with flushed features and reddened lips. With his chest rising and falling in a soft pant, he breathed, “So was this really a date then, or...” He trailed off into silence and she shook her head with a faint scowl at him.

 

“Just take me back to your apartment already before you say something stupid and change my mind,” she murmured and the grin it tore over his features had her leaning up and pressing another hungry kiss to his mouth.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annnd thats it hah

All things considered the day at the zoo had ended up quite well.

 

Abelas finally got over his painfully awkward affections for Merrill, and falling asleep that night with Lavellan curled naked against his chest was easily an enjoyable side benefit of their set up. When Fen’Harel awoke the next morning, however, he found the bed empty beside him.

 

With a frown, he pushed himself from the sheets, tugged on a pair of trousers and slipped out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. There he found Lavellan crouched on the floor in his shirt from the previous evening and fawning over his dog.

 

“So,” he started with a small grin as she stroked the dog’s fur while the animal rolled onto his back with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, “Sophie.”

 

He left his sentence hanging and when Lavellan stood up, turned and scowled at him, he laughed and held his hands up in the air in mock surrender. “It was a joke,” he offered and when she rolled her eyes at him he added, teasingly, “For something that wasn’t a date, last night rather seemed to end as if it was one.”

 

“It wasn’t a date,” she replied but try as hard as she might have he saw through the scowl she forced onto her features.

 

“It so was.”

 

“Was not.” With a step closer she leant up and slipped her arms around his neck. Holding his gaze, she taunted him with her lips so fleetingly close to his but just out of reach as he rested his hands on her waist.

 

Then, when he added smugly, “It totally was a date,” she rolled her eyes at him and pushed a kiss to his lips.

 

When they parted he grinned at her as her fingers tangled in his thick hair and he added, “Are we dating now?”

 

With a small smile she rubbed her nose against his and replied with, “I suppose so.” Then her features twisted into a faint glower as she added, quickly, “But that still doesn’t make yesterday a date.”

 

“If you insist,” he replied with a laugh, and when she rolled her eyes and pushed another kiss to his lips he obliged her affections.

 

\---

 

Their efforts setting up Merrill and Abelas at the zoo ended up being particularly successful. The next Monday when Fen’Harel went back to work, he saw the pair smiling openly at one another throughout the day and having lunch together. He couldn’t have been much more pleased with how his and Lavellan’s plan had worked out.

 

His relationship with Lavellan hardly went unnoticed by their colleagues either, and he liked to think it was her influence but in truth it was as much his fault as it was hers that they snuck in moments of affection while they should have been working. Abelas was the only one who really worked out what they were doing, largely due to the fact that he had the unfortunate luck of stumbling in on them more than once a day.

 

It got to the point where Abelas had become so unfazed by their relationship that he would simply walk out the door again as if nothing happened if he found them in a moment of intimacy. If he found their clothes abandoned or lost throughout the establishment, he would dump them in Fen’Harel’s room or at Lavellan’s desk with a little murmur of disapproval.

 

That day, when the rest of their colleagues moved to leave as the premises were closing, Fen’Harel approached Lavellan and took her hand in his own.

 

“Come with me,” he insisted and with a frown she followed as he led her through the hallways.

 

“We should be leaving,” she started but he hushed her to be quiet so that they wouldn’t be discovered.

 

Then, at the entrance to one of the private spa rooms, he held the door open for her and urged her inside. What he’d prepared for her in the room was candles littered around the pool that bubbled softly in the centre of the room. As her eyes widened in surprise, he slipped his hand around her waist and pushed a kiss to her cheek.

 

“What, are you trying to be romantic?” she teased as she twisted in his embrace to curl her arms around his neck.

 

He scoffed for a moment but when his lips tugged into a smile he murmured, “Something like that.”

 

She grinned, her all too obvious fondness for him showing on her features as she leant up and pressed a kiss to his mouth. He returned her affection with his tongue prying gently at her lips and she obliged him as she stepped backwards towards the pool in the centre of the room. His hands tugged at her blouse, fumbling with the buttons and she lost her footing when her shins hit the edge of the spa.

 

To catch herself, she reached out to hold onto the edge of the pool but as she did so she knocked over one of the candles. It fell and caught on a towel, sending the material into bright flames and Fen’Harel pulled away from her with his features paling rapidly at the fire they’d started.

 

“Oh no,” he groaned, because he knew Elgar’nan would very near murder him for this.

 

\---

 

He was screwed. Truly completely screwed beyond any doubt. Elgar’nan was going to kill him, and if he didn’t, then those idiots across the street who called themselves the _forgotten ones_ would.

 

The fire had caught and burnt down both spa houses and it was all Fen’Harel could do to stare, dumbfounded, from the street at the mess he’d just made. He supposed his only saving grace was that nobody had been caught in the fire, but still...

 

“Well,” he started glumly and paused for a moment before adding pointedly, “Fuck.”

 

A car pulled up moments later and Elgar’nan stepped out of it, his chihuahua in his handbag with a tiara on her head. Fen’Harel’s boss was furious beyond any conventional description, and he paled as Elgar’nan stomped towards him spitting curses and profanity.

 

“It was an accident?” Fen’Harel murmured weakly but his words hardly made a difference.

 

He highly suspected now would be a good time to start running. 

 

_End_


End file.
